Stealing a song from Andreas Johnson and a hairstyle from Jedward, "A Friend in London" won Denmark's annual contest to find the blandest song in their country.

They'll be hoping their friend in London has deep pockets or multiple phones, but the likelihood is that he'll be having a few drinks down his local instead.

� Denmark aims for victory - Thu 5 Jan

� Soluna Samay to Baku for Denmark [vid] - Sat 21 Jan

� Dane-jà vu - Wed 16 Jan

� Tonight: Denmark makes its selection - Sat 26 Jan

� Emmelie de Forest to Malmö for Denmark - Sun 27 Jan

� Denmark won, by the way - Sun 19 May

� It's the way they are - Sun 8 Feb

Denmark was established in the 11th century AD by refugees from Sweden, after the Swedish king Håkan decided it was time to rid Sweden of an entire useless third of the population, and so he concocted a story that Sweden would shortly be destroyed in a great catastrophe (It was apparently under threat from a "mutant goat"). The useless third of the population (consisting of hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers, security guards, management consultants, telephone sanitisers and the like) were packed into the B-Ark, one of three giant Ark sea ships, and told that everyone else would follow shortly in the other two. The other two thirds of the population, of course, did not follow and led full, rich and happy lives until most of them died by the Great Swedish Plague of 1281, contracted from a dirty telephone.

The Danes, which have since established a kingdom on a deserted flat sandbar in the Baltic Sea, have grown to a population of 5.5 million people, and have won the ESC twice.